Monday, 17 May 2010

Be kind rewind.......

An old school mate got in touch recently. I remembered her which is a start, but that was about all really. i don't know if my depression is what has wiped my memory slate almost clean or my school  days were just so totally unmemorable, but I found myself feeling incredibly guilty for not remembering anything other than the girl's name and the fact she had great hair.
I have not been to any school reunions, or college for that matter. I am barely in touch with anyone from my past. There are a few tenuous links, but in reality the only people who remember me are my family. I understand now more fully my mums sadness as one by one older family members and friends passed away. Eventually there will be noone there to remember her when she was younger. Noone to share memories with, those sessions that start 'remember when....'
Recently I have been in touch with an old male friend. He knew me when I was 16 he remembers the spirited me, the ethereal me. the me before husbands and children. The time of drunken nights , dancing in friends garages, waking up together in parents beds well actually his parents, but honestly nothing happened. I remember his hangover afterwards. The way he never looked at me once as he and his mates packed up their golf clubs and disappeared off for the day and I made my excuses and took that long walk home to the inevitable questions. Actually I'm not sure he would want to reminisce all of that and I'm not entirely sure that Neil my OH would be particularly understanding. But these are things I did in my past, things that are in danger of being lost forever because I just don't remember any more.
I don't even remember my children as babies. The other day I pulled out my photo box and sat and looked at all of them. It made me cry. All the memories flooding back. moments I had completely forgotten about. Are you like that? Is it that my mind is just totally gone or in our busy lives do we just not have time to fit everything into our minds, so that our current activities just serve to blot out the past? Data overwrite or something? Definitely some kind of system failure!
If I don't remember you, or something we have done together, forgive me. I am trying but i think I have the wrong disc in my floppy drive!


  1. I used to pride myself on my incredible memory but have realized it's not up to par. Could be the malaise. I love to read your thoughts.

  2. Thanks sweetie, I suppose if we are losing it then we are in good company. I know I would never forget you!